Internet dating itself is different from that in usual life, but dating a person from another country, with different life style, mentality, culture is a lot more different and requires patience, understanding, flexibility and tolerance.
There may be various reasons why you are searching for a partner in CIS country, and why Russian women are looking for a husband abroad. It could be classified as a combination of cultural, economic, political, personal factors in a great way influenced by mass culture and mass media. Anyway in each case the reasons would be different and any standards can appear to be incorrect.
Based on our experience we would like to give some pieces of advice to those who started this endeavor and help them foresee the factors and analyze risks they might have not considered from the start. Internet pages are full of sad and happy stories about international marriage, and we wish your personal story and your life with your loving Russian wife to be happy.
The first thing you should do is to analyze your expectations. What you expect from a woman, your partner, a Russian woman in particular. The main reason of unhappy marriages between western men and Russian women is the discrepancy of the Russian women's expectations and desires and hopes of western men. It is not a secret that there is a widespread opinion among Russian women that life abroad is easy and beautiful and all men are wealthy, kind and match the description of Mr. Right. In their turn men tend to think that all Russian ladies are home bodies, dependent on husbands and live in extreme poverty, so that life in a developed country will look a paradise for them. Myths about Russian women can mislead even a down-to-earth person. It would be hard to blame anyone for this as mass media and propaganda affect the opinions and people seldom search for alternative information.
When you browse the catalogues of dating agencies the first thing that makes a great impression is an outstanding beauty of the women at pictures. The truth is that Russian women are really beautiful. We often have questions from men how it is possible that top ladies are still available and looking. The reason may be that they are pickier and have higher demands. So don't get caught in an endless loop of the good looks only, search a person.
You should also take into account the age of a woman and the age of a partner she is looking for. We strongly advice ladies to approach this issue thoughtfully. It would be strange if a 23 year-old lady would be looking for a 55-year old man. This is not a regular thing either in this country or abroad. Even though a certain age difference is preferable for a Russian woman, it has to be reasonable. You should also be aware why you are looking for a partner much younger then yourself and how this will affect your relationship in future.
To have harmonious relationship you should pay attention to the gaps in education and a social status.
The place of living, a life style, interests and goals should be similar. It is not that common when a person from a megalopolis would feel comfortable in a rural town or village and vice versa.
Language is one of the most important aspects. Not all Russian women know a foreign language when they start looking for a western partner and get registered with the agency. The dating agency is of help at the initial stage. But when you develop the relationship and have serious plans for future, it is important for the woman to start learning the language. She should be motivated herself as this is the First barrier she will have to overcome to feel comfortable in the relationships and in the country she is going to move. That would sound strange if your Russian partner is not eager to do it.
The most important thing is to realize in what extent the expectations of your Russian bride match yours. Many things like family values, responsibilities, financial aspects, having children, woman's employment, in-laws, children should be discussed. We would try to highlight some of them so that you have a better understanding of your Russian bride and can avoid the problems you might have.
Finances can be an issue your Russian bride and you may have different viewpoints about.
In this country people are just learning to take loans and tick expenses and
in general they have serious attitude towards finances in everyday life.
This is explained by the political and economical changes
we have experienced not so long ago.
Russian people are not used to speaking much about loans, expenses, bills, etc.
That is why it may affect your Russian bride negatively when you speak a lot about this, emphasizing how expensive life is.
However you should discuss money issues and find out the attitude of your future partner to earning, spending, saving, investments.
Even though the situation is changing in modern families the traditional approach is when spouses have the same bank account and expenses are common. Your Russian bride would expect you to be the main provider in a family and support her and children financially, at least in the beginning until she adapts in a foreign country and starts working. You should also take keep in mind that her parents, who stay in her home country, may be retired and she will have to help them financially. And this will be your expense item until she makes a living herself.
Family traditions, children and in-laws
Russian people are close to their parents and you should be ready that your Russian wife will want to communicate with her parents on regular basis and help them financially. She will certainly want to visit home once in a while and have her parents come to visit you. This should also be discussed so that you do not have misunderstanding in future. If some of you or both have children from the previous marriages, you should talk in advance what status a child coming in your country will have and all the legal questions connected with it. If your own children live with you or visit you, your future wife has to be informed about this, their attitude to your marriage and what role she is expected to play in their lives. If you plan to have common children, the language (s) they should speak the culture they should learn is also a common decision of international spouses.
Work and education in a foreign country
It will be up to you and your Russian wife to decide about her employment when she moves to your country. It is good to discuss this in advance as you may think your future wife will be an equal partner sharing all the expenses and paying bills together when she adapts and finds work, whereas she might expect to become a housewife, bring up kids and make a career of a wife. On the contrary you may want to have a dependant wife staying at home and providing a comfortable atmosphere, but your Russian wife is looking for professional development and social life. Thus both of you will experience the conflict of interests. You should know that when a Russian woman moves to your country, where educational standards and job requirements are different she will most likely have to retrain or confirm her education to the standards there, take courses or enter a university to get a good job and you will be the only one to help her both financially and emotionally. A Russian lawyer or doctor will hardly become a lawyer in a western country soon. And a person having professional life here most likely will be looking forward to having it in her current country. So the difficulties and expenses involved have to be well considered.
Unfortunately your Russian bride is not well-informed about your country law system, banking, traditions, life style, citizenship,
social standards, etc.
A great deal of help if you land a hand in obtaining the real information, speak about the legal status she and her children will have when
they come to live in your county, what rights and obligations she will have what she will have to learn.
This will help both of you develop
trust relationship, make her understand more about the place she is going to live in and help take an educated decision.
The general recommendation is to ask a Russian woman, you are planning to marry, more questions, try to come and visit her in her home city, get acquainted with her parents and friends, see the environment she lives in, learn the things she is used to. Pay attention to what she says about her family, if she feels comfortable in her home country. A person feeling unhappy about everything and criticizing everything, will most likely be unhappy in any country with any partner.
We wish you luck in your search of your charming Russian bride and a happy family life. We hope these recommendations will help you to avoid the reefs, you may not be aware of.
For long time we have been asked for this question by our visitors.
The phenomenon of the international marriage
between a western men and a Russian / Ukrainian woman has gained so much popularity that this phenomenon attracts the attention of
people not involved in the process. We would try to analyze this phenomenon from economical,
social, psychological, demographic view points and find out what motivates Russian women to leave their country and look for a spouse abroad.
We do not claim to present any scientific research or write a thesis. Besides, any generalization has little truth in it. That is why this article is just an opinion based on the experience of working in the dating industry for considerable time, having lots of female friends looking for a foreign spouse, personally trying this, collecting the public opinion, having some general observation in the society and studying what mass media and Internet presents about this topic.
One more important thing should be said that not ALL unmarried Russian women are looking for a western husband. The majority is more or less happily married to local men as everywhere in the world. A lot do not believe this will ever work out due to the mentality and cultural differences, others are simply fearful of getting into a poor dependent position in foreign countries, some will never leave their families, etc. In general, there are quite a few reasons against.
Economical aspect would be the most significant in favor of marrying a foreigner. Many countries of the former Soviet Union split now are experiencing economical difficulties and the life standard of average citizens is quite low. This is aggravated by the political instability and uncertainty in the future. The society has split into classes with increasing gap in between. People work really hard for not big money. Such situation affected the image and a position of a Russian man. Being a family provider for all the time before men loose their economical power, get scared to start a family and take a responsibility for it, family thinks twice before having children and not working pensioners are in rather poor condition. Sometimes Russian women appear to adapt to new economical situation even better and work as much as men and at times make more money. Private apartments are incredibly expensive and not many can afford to take a bank loan. It does not mean the country is doomed to poverty, but the current hardship makes a woman seek stability, better economical conditions for her future family and children, some confidence in the future and perspectives. There is a misconception among many western men about the financial aspect of relationship with a Russian woman and about her expectations. Especially when many write they do not want gold diggers.
When a woman states in her profile that she "is looking for a financial security" this means it's very important for her to know that her future husband has a stable secure job and can provide for the family and for everything necessary for life. Many women work and would like to continue work in a foreign country, many are very successful, but there is still essential to be sure a woman can rely on a partner when she gives birth to a child and looks after it. So wants to be with a responsible man and in a safe and secure place to raise children.
As a part of security for a woman and her future children come social life and aids granted by the government. Unfortunately in Russia, Ukraine and Belarus, the law does defend a woman when she gets a divorce. Nominally she is granted 25% of her ex-husband's income as the alimony for their children. The question of custody is rarely discussed and a child almost always remains with the mother. And in fact not many ex-husbands care about their children; the figures in the financial documents are faked or "fathers" even disappear. Helping children becomes a personal choice not the moral duty or the necessity demanded in the society.
Another even more important factor in favor of seeking a foreign husband is demographic situation. Statistic rates give different figures, but in general the percentage of men and women in Russia is 46 to 54 correspondingly in Ukraine it is 44 to 55. In some areas the figures are even more pessimistic the ratio of men to women makes one to 3.
Apart from this sociologists draw attention to a characteristic feature of Russia - a 12 years gap between life span of men and women. This appears unique in the world demographic situation.
Average life span of men make 58,5 years, as for women, it is 71,9 years. Specialists explain this as a result of poor economy, living under pressure and hard work. Whatever the reasons are the demographic situation is against women and makes them widen their search and consider marrying a man form another country.
Read more about Russian family portrait.
The question Why Russian women are looking for partner abroad should be asked together with "Why Russian women are using the service of introduction or marriage agencies". We will not write about how hard it can be to find a potential partner, especially after a certain age. It is interesting that even using world web it is easier to get in touch with a foreigner interested in relationship then a fellow country man. It is not a usual thing to meet through a local marriage agencies and an average Russian man is very cautions about a woman's intentions to get married. In other words marriage is what scares men off here. When a woman applies to a dating agency, especially an international one, she experiences attention from men that are interested in CREATING A FAMILY and long term relationship and they clearly declare this. (We hope all the intentions are true). The clients often write us that they like that women openly states she wants a family and children and this is her intent and the reason she placed her profile on the Internet or got registered with the agency.
Another aspect is a family role a woman has played in most Eastern European countries for generations. Traditionally Russia and Ukraine are patriarchal countries, with distinct gender roles both for men and women.
It is changing now, but still the background and family upbringing play a considerable role.
In 90 cases out of 100 even a very successful and a woman of substance will sacrifice her career and personal interests for the sake of family and children. Even though young ladies are quite independent now and very career oriented, especially in big cities, family and having children remains the main life mission of a woman as she has been taught by her Mom.
The majority of families are traditional and a girl from the early age is taught that the she will be responsible for keeping peace and comfort in her family and has to learn patience and respect her husband. This is what probably makes Russian wives so attractive. There is hardly a woman that can be comfortably single or divorced, even though she does not mind this. The public pressure is still quite tough, consciously or not a Russian woman aims at marriage and family.
There are some more pros for looking a western husband from the side of A Russian woman. Some general complains on a Russian spouse and comparisons would be that.
1. Western men help more about the house and generally do not load woman along with all the household duties and cares about the child. They are more used to it and take day to day responsibilities as a matter-of-fact. On the contrary the majority of Russian men think household duties are what a woman has to do even though she has a full time job.
2. Western men show more respect and appreciation to women; they care and court more and value woman's opinions and decisions.
3. Western men in general drink and smoke less. This can be explained by the years of state policy again smoking and limitation of drinking in public places, but the result is what matters. Many Russian men drink and this turns a family life into hell.
4. Western men care about family and children, invest more time and efforts into the children's upbringing and do it more willingly.
One should also take into account the fact that many Russian women looking for a western partner have never been abroad and never lived in a foreign countries and they may idealize life there and a potential foreign husband. The romantic search of something new and imagining a Prince Charming speaking a foreign language may affect a woman's decision to take this endeavor.
To sum it up we should say that there may be a combination of different reasons why Russian woman are looking for western partners, but the main one still remains searching for love, understanding, happy relationship.back to the top
We are often asked by our clients in what way Russian women and Russian, Ukrainian or Byelorussian people in general are religious and how meaningful the faith and religion is their lives is.
One can be misled by the religion field in the profiles and have wrong opinion. That is why we decided to give a short excursus in what religion means in modern society of Russia and Ukraine.
Speaking about religion in Russia and other countries of the former Soviet Union one has to take into consideration the history, culture, social and political changes in these countiers. The combination of them influenced the perception and attitude to religion of the present day generations as well as the role of the religion today's life.
The majority of people living in Russian and Ukraine identify themselves with Orthodox religion and consider themselves being parishioners of Orthodox church.
However the research shows that about 62% of Ukrainian citizens consider themselves believers, 26% identify themselves as non-believers, 5% call themselves atheists and 7% are hesitant about their self-identification.
Some researches relate Ukraine to multi-confessional country, in which no particular church dominates; others tend to think the majority of the population is Orthodoxies.
According to the Constitution the Church has to be separated from the State. However the country witnesses the relationship between different confessions and politicization of the religion. It displays in interference of the state officials into the church home affairs and the fact that those at power support Greco-Roman Church.
As for Russian Federation, the "official" church is Russian Orthodox Church of Moscow Eparchy, which is supported by the official government.
To the question "which religion you confess", the majority of Russian respondents claim to be Orthodox - 73%, one fifth consider themselves atheists and 2% relate themselves to other religions denominations. 4 % of Russian citizens claim to follow Islam and about 2% have difficulties with religious self-identification.
The research also shows that women make the majority of the believers (60%) and men - the majority of atheists (66 %). Most atheists are people with University degrees.
In fact the research shows that the majority of people are so called "cultural" orthodoxies, whose religious
self-identification is rather a vision then religiousness itself as relating themselves to one or another confession does not
imply that a person shares particular religious beliefs or follows religious rituals.
Some believe in God, some in a certain upper power or supreme spirit or intellect, some think there is hell and paradise and are fearful of sins, which not all can determine properly. The fact is that many people declaring that they belong to this or that confession have no idea what the basic principles of this confession are. However this does not prevent them from being good people and lend a hand to the neighbor.
Quite often the questions about basic definitions of Christianity or another religion were met with little understanding by the most of people, which made researches conclude there was no clear understanding of what the essence of the religion is.
That is true that the level of religious education is quite low at the moment, even though specialists claim that country witnesses religious Renascence. And people can hardly be blamed for this. Modern generations are those who were born during the Soviet time or brought up by parents who were. The Soviet rule declared its own rituals and ceremonies and banned religion. There was no choice to believe or not to. Everything was decided and imposed by the regime. That is why several generations have to pass before the people get rid of the consequence of atheism and disrespect to religion.
The research also shows that Russians do not live an active religious life. Only 3,6% visit church once a week.
One fifth of the respondents go to churn on religious holidays. Women tend to visit church twice as much as men
and elderly people do this more often then the youth.
About 46% percent of the respondents never go to church.
So the majority of church goers are elderly people and women.
To sum it up Russians' self-identification with Orthodox or any other religion in many cases has ethnic, historical and cultural origin and does not necessarily mean that a person is a believer and has good understanding of what this religion is about. On the other hand, many people have high moral values being not religious at all and even some aspects of communist upbringing and education were based on Christian values.
It has to be marked that with years more and more young people join the church and make it as heir conscious decision.
Some features that can be characteristic of Russian or Ukrainian "cultural" Orthodoxies is that they go to church quite rarely, on religious holidays only or to "light a candle" and remember a close person who is dead. They are seldom well-aware of religious postulates or have read the Bible. They are not used to discussing their faith openly in public or with other people. The general attitude that this is what fanatic old women do. Most people address to the God in a quick prayer to help at the exams or with health problems. It is quite rare that children are taught to pray in the family and family follows all the religious rules. Many people fast for keeping in a good physical, emotional and spiritual shape, then due to the church requirements.
However many Russians and Ukrainians and people of other CIS countries have high ethic and actually live in accordance with "Christian" values, but they do not associate it with religion as they are simply not used to.
Moreover Russians normally show tolerance and respect to other religious denominations. Many educated people know world history, culture and origin of different religions.
However is hard to expect that a young Russian woman would be an equal interlocutor in a conversation about religious issues and will be willing to do this.
Anyway people baptize children and order services for the dead as well as some other Christian rituals, but in many cases it is still caused by Orthodox cultural tradition.
The present time is characterized by the integration of the religion in the every day's life of people and naturally there are often conflicts and many acute angles that have to be overcome. Like when Bible studies that are now introduced as optional lessons in some schools turn into attacks of the church on the kids it results in defense from the side of parents and teachers.
It has also be mentioned that central, northern, southern and eastern parts of Ukraine are less religious then its western part,
that was under Austrian or Polish rule in different times of its history. Peoples of the Northern Caucasia take their traditional
niches and remain Muslim. And west of Belarus has probably more parishioners of Roman Catholic Church as Catholicism had been
the official religion there before joining Russia in 18th century.
Most population of Baltic countries is also historically and culturally catholic, besides, Soviet rule did not affect these countries as much as Russia or Ukraine.
Read more about Religion and Orthodox traditions in Russia
We hope that the above information will help you realize what role religion plays in lives of most Russian and Ukrainian people. If you are religious, a particular religion matters much for you, if it is important how stick to religious rituals your fiancee would be and if she adapts well in your religious family, we recommend that you discuss it with the lady personally and not rely on the religion field in her profile as it may result in that in the end your views will be different.back to the top
Please be advised that this is not "dating site" nor "dating personals site" nor "Russian mail order brides sites" in any way. This is not "date single person" nor "free dating online" nor "friendfinder" nor any other sort of "matrimonial" or "marriage" sites either. We don't offer any matchmaking services. We only offer information as we know it and show you some pictures. It's all free - no fees, no charges.